I was listening to a couple other boudoir photographers talking the other day over on Clubhouse. One of them said she had gone on to study sexology because it helped her to be able to communicate with her clients more. To be able to address all the crap that develops around how we view sex, ourselves, our bodies. “There is so much that happens at a boudoir photography session,” she said. “The photos are often the least important thing that people get from the session.”

I am not a therapist, nor do I play one on TV, but I understand that line of reasoning. Most photographers who shoot boudoir say its “empowering”. And while that’s a great goal, I think they might have missed something.

First, a caveat. For some people, doing boudoir and boudoir-adjacent shoots are just a chance to get some great photos of themselves. The end. If that’s you, more power to you.

But many, if not most, women, have a troubled relationship with themselves. With their bodies. With their sexuality. With their beauty. They find it hard to admit that they are beautiful. They compare their bodies to others and find themselves lacking.

And one of the things that can happen during these shoots is you will be confronted with the lie that this is. That you will see the beauty that others see in you. Are you perfect? No. But neither are you worthless. And those imperfections are what set you apart. What make you unique. What separate you from a mannequin.

My role in this process is not as councillor or therapist, but as observer. As a mirror, yes, but a magic mirror; one that allows you to see yourself differently. From a different angle. Through different eyes. I can’t claim that I can offer you any sort of therapy, or help you get in touch with your happiness, but, if all goes well, I can help you see yourself in a new way.

But only if you want to.

See, I am just a photographer, and I can’t change your life. I can’t give you healing. I can’t give you empowerment. All I can do is give you a safe, non-judgemental space to be who you are, to honestly explore who you are, emotionally, spiritually, sexually. I can give you a fresh perspective on who you are. I can offer suggestions and encouragement and support. I can show you how beautiful you are, and how what sets you apart is what makes you unique and what makes you you. But I can’t give you empowerment.

Because empowerment? Isn’t about me doing something for you, other than giving you the space and the opportunity to exercise your own power. To let you claim that which already belongs to you. It is yours already; you just have to reach out and grab it.

So, is what I do empowering? No. And yes. A boudoir shoot isn’t going to change your life…unless you let it. And only you and you alone can do that. But if you are willing to take those steps, I am here to help.