The F word…

You know what I’m talking about. You can’t say it in public, nobody wants to hear the word, but everybody is thinking about it….

Fat.

There, it’s out in the open. And it’s okay.

I talk a lot about body dysmorphia (though I don’t usually use that word, mostly because I don’t know how to spell it), but I rarely talk about the number one reason most people have issues with their bodies, and that is fat.

Yes, it’s not the only reason. But so many people struggle with their weight, and the biggest contributor to that is fat.

Fat in itself is not a bad thing. Your brain is 60 percent fat. It needs fat to operate effectively.

When we take in more calories than the body needs, it puts those calories in storage as body fat.

Fat is simply the body’s way of showing it is rich in calories.

For most of human history, this was considered a good thing. People lived a hardscrabble existence, food was often scarce, and having an excess of fat was a sign that a person was probably well-off, which was considered a good thing.

Consider paintings by the likes of Ruben, or Titian, or Rembrant’s painting of Bathsheba and her bath, or Brunino’s Venus or … the list goes on of famous images of women with rolls and curves.

It was only in the late 19th century—less than 200 years ago—that the ideal woman became synonymous with a small waist, sloped shoulders, tapered fingers, slender limbs and delicate feet. According to Symptoms of Living, this ideal woman “was known as the “steel engraving lady”, associated most commonly with frailty, weakness and subservience, and with that high social status and moral values. This is precisely where the problem begins, as a woman being frail is considered preferred. Then she’ll take up less room and hold fewer opinions, or so they would hope.”

As time went on, that previous image of beauty, of the lush, curvy woman, was replaced by…well, these days standards of beauty seem to change on a hourly basis, don’t they? But typically, fat is not considered part of that.

It got so bad, that in the 1960s, a fat rights movement began, attempting to end the stigma against fat. Out of that, grew two movements different ideas: body positivity and body neutrality. I’m going to quote from Within Health here.

[Body Positivity] encourages the idea of radical acceptance, calling for bodies of all types to be celebrated and accepted, regardless of weight, gender, skin tone, or physical ability.

With its bold-strokes stance, this movement works to challenge some of the more systemic issues at play, including the unrealistic beauty standards regularly promoted by traditional media and the obsession with dieting and weight loss tips fueled by diet culture. The modern body positivity movement has also taken on the type of cyberbullying and proliferation of photoshopped images that run rampant online.

Body neutrality takes a step away from the more extreme ideas promoted by the body positivity movement. As the name suggests, it teaches that a person does not have to love their body unconditionally, nor do they need to think about it positively or negatively in any sense.

Rather, the body neutrality movement focuses on appreciating what the body is capable of doing. The concept centers more on promoting respect than encouraging love.

The other aspect of this idea is taking the focus away from physical appearance at all. Body neutrality would have followers be grateful for how their body helps them live their life and interact with the world — how their body allows them to dance or hug another human, go for a hike, feel the warmth of the sun, or even climb the stairs to bed every night.

Cultivating gratitude for these simple actions and the vessel that enables them naturally draws attention away from what that vessel looks like, and can help promote a sense of self-peace.

Body positivity focuses on cultivating acceptance towards a positive body image through unconditional self-love. Body neutrality does not involve constant positivity but rather an acknowledgement and appreciation of all the things the body can do, regardless of what it looks like.

Some people with eating disorders may have a disordered self-image. Engaging in body positivity helps some people with eating disorders. However, for others, it is challenging to switch from often deep-seated low self-esteem to what may seem like an overinflated, untruthful amount of positivity.

Teaching the practice of body neutrality to people with eating disorders may be more helpful, challenging the way they see and feel about their bodies, promoting a deeper appreciation for the positive aspects of their life, and cultivating a more naturally-discovered sense of self-love and self-care.

Thankfully, body image isn't a permanent feature of someone's psyche. Even those who have developed negative self-image can learn to see themselves in a more positive light.

My hope is to help you in some small way find ways to look at yourself in a positive life, but my goal is to be body neutral. My goal as a photographer is not to fetishize fat, nor is it to demonize it. It is not to sexualize it or to stigmatize it. Some people are not comfortable showing their bellies. That’s okay. While my goal is to capture you, in all your glory, that’s hard for some people. If you want to shoot to de-emphisize parts of your body, that’s okay. If you want to shoot to emphasize parts of your body, that’s also okay.

But more than body positivity, or body neutrality, what I’m really hoping for? Is the willingness to accept who you are at this moment and the grace to see yourself through another’s eyes. To be thankful for the body you have and to be willing to celebrate the role it plays in making you you.

So many people—men, women, young, old, black or white—hate their body. And that hate carries over into the rest of who they are.

I know women who I used to take pictures of when they were younger who refuse to shoot with me because they’re three kids on and no longer have the body they had when they were 20. But the room still lights up when they smile. They still are kind and generous and loving. But they hate themselves over 20, 40, 60 pounds. Yet their kids love them, their spouse loves them. Everyone loves them, but them.

I know, it’s hard, and you might not be ready to be willing to accept your body—skinny or fat, tall or short, or prone to whatever issue you think you have—but when you are ready, I am here for you. My aim is to show you how beautiful you are, not because of your body, and not despite your body, but all of you, including your body.