The persistance of men

Photo provided.

I have a (soon to be) client who is a very sexual being, and for the last 23 years, she has been exploring her sexuality with the help of the internet.

When she was 19, she discovered chat sites, and was soon sending nudes and doing live cams with strangers “for their jerking pleasure.”

I asked her what her experience was with men being “inappropriate” online. Fortunately, she has not been doxxed or trolled, but, well, I let her tell you about it.

“I loved the attention at first but soon realized that I wasn’t really getting anything out of it. I knew that these guys likely wouldn’t give me the time of day in real life and I was basically allowing myself to be used. I remember the last live cam session I did quite vividly. It was with a super hot, muscley guy from somewhere in the US and I was doing whatever he wanted me to do while he stroked himself. It suddenly occurred to me that I was feeling quite icky and I wanted it to stop. I slammed my laptop closed and pretended that I had “technical difficulties” right before deleting all of my accounts. I didn’t like how the men spoke to me like I was just there for their sexual gratification (although, deep down, I knew that it was my fault for putting myself in that position.) But I wanted more. I wanted to be respected despite the position I had put myself in.

“Fast forward 22 years to October 2024 when I dipped my toes back in the ‘showing my titties on the ‘net’ pool. But this time I was married AND I was getting paid for showing my nude body and sharing naughty videos. I had started an OnlyFans account after sharing some barely SFW pictures on my Facebook. A friend had joked (many times) that I should make an account and after receiving my husband’s permission, there I was, an OF ‘model.’ It began with guys I had known who had basically wanted to see me naked but who had understood and respected the fact that I was married. The messages I received were usually quite respectful and complimentary, but as I gained more ‘fans’, that began to change.

“I would get ‘requests’ (but their delivery made it come across as more of a demand) from guys wanting me to write self-deprecating words on my body, insert random objects into my body and many MANY dick pics like they thought it would lure me, like candy lures a kid? I got tired of the pressure of where I ranked and how much content I could sell so, after a suggestion from another friend, I hung up my OF hat in exchange for a FetLife account.

“I first joined Fet in April of 2025 but this was different because I wasn’t selling anything for monetary gain—I was selling myself as a bonafide “Hotwife.” My husband encouraged me to find someone to ‘play’ with and I began posting free nudes daily—sometimes a few a day.

“One of the first men I remember chatting with was a local married guy in his 60s. He was lonely and not having sex with his wife anymore. I felt bad for the guy and considered actually meeting up with him. I flirted with him and sent him some extra nudes but when he asked me to give him a ride to the mechanic shop before we had even met (in a series of SEVERAL messages), I got weirded out. I had made the mistake of adding him on Telegram and opened the app one day to find 35 unread messages from him (in addition to messages on Fet.) Selfies, dick pics, pics of his cat, his truck, and random messages about his day, what he wanted to do to me and asking me what I had for dinner. I tried to ghost him but he didn’t get the hint. Finally, I responded by saying that my husband thought he was coming on too strong (which was true --- my husband did say that and he was clearly coming on too strong.) He didn’t understand how he was “coming on too strong” but a few days later he deleted his account. Phewf!

“(He ended up creating a new account last month and began following me again. BLOCKED!!!")

“Since then I’ve received hundreds of messages. The latest one I found in my “junk folder” was from a local guy who is my age. It read “I read u liken big cocs u should defiandletnly get hold of me.” After checking out his profile and clicking on “our conversations” I realized that this guy had sent me a total of eight unread messages dating back 11 weeks. The first message read “Love ur pic jesus are u ever sexy would love to push my huge co.c inside u.” I

t’s messages like these that make me understand why some women don’t allow fantasy dumping on their content or in their inbox.

“Or the 54 year old who first messaged me 27 weeks ago. “Did you need some help”. Then a week later, “Do you not chst”. I responded, “No, not really. I just don’t have much spare time. 🙁" He then responded, “We shud chat”. Then, “Morning sexy”. Then, “We’re off to Edmonton this week if your coming”. A week later, “God you get me hard”, “What lake you heading too”, “Oh you have new videos” and “How are you”. He’s messaged me 20 times since --- TWENTY! The last ones finally got him blocked: “Let me lick u please.”, “Do u chat”, “I’ve watched that video alllllll day” and “May of came 3 times”.

“I’ve never told anyone to stop messaging me inappropriately, although I have been tempted to. If I respond to one guy, then I have many others that deserve to be “enlightened” as well and I just don’t have the time or desire to do that. At first I actually found the random messages to be a bit flattering. I do love attention so it was nice knowing that men found me attractive. But then they started boring me and giving me the “ick.” “Hi. How are you doing?” messages are seemingly copy and pasted in my inbox. Long sex stories that came off the top of their heads or that they stole from the internet are plentiful as well.

“While I do get the occasional message from a 20-something year old, they tend to be a bit more timid—less ballsy—it seems. 30-60 seems to be the age group of men who lack tact and who have no problem sending inappropriate messages to a stranger on the internet while they hide behind their cock shots, memes and AI pics. Should I expect it after posting naked and sexual images and videos for free on a fetish site? For sure. Do I like it? No, not really. While I do appreciate the compliments and knowing that I'm “doable,” I do wish that some guys would take the hint and after not getting a response from me even one time, they’d stop trying to contact me and just admire from a distance.

“I can’t say for certain that it’s getting worse since this is the first time I've had a large amount of followers on a ‘sex’ platform but since I was first on the scene 20+ years ago, it sure seems like it. The more a person can hide behind a screen, the more (over)confident they seem to be. There could definitely be consequences in real life if you were to speak with someone face to face in this manner but none at all on the internet. Knowing that it’s inevitable behaviour on a fetish site helps with me not taking it personally and either scrolling by, deleting or blocking the person. I don’t have time to save the world by educating the uneducated and/or uneducable.

“And let’s not forget the note that I got during a recent AMA: ‘You can sterilize yourself. No one on the scene is gonna permanently sterilize themselves just to fuck your loose pussy. GTFOH.’”