You are beautiful

As International Women’s Day comes to a close, I want to talk about what is considered beautiful. I know that today is about the advances women have made over the last few hundred years and what is still to go, but I’m a photographer of (mostly) women, so this concept is near and dear to me.

Think about the most beautiful person you know. What defines their beauty? Is it their physical appearance? Or is it who they are? How they act?

A few years’ back, Global Advisor ran a survey of 18,000 people across 27 countries asking them that question.

And the top answers? Confidence. Kindness. Happiness. Dignity. Intelligence.

Not perfect hair or perfect teeth. Not flawless skin or body shape. But personality traits. Indeed, the highest ranking physical trait—appearance of skin—ranked at 45 percent of people worldwide considering it important. The lowest ranked personality trait—sense of humour—clocked in 15 percentage points higher at 60 percent of people considering it important.

If this were a test, any physical ranking of beauty would fail.

And yet….

And yet we still put such an emphasis on physical appearance. Physical beauty. And while women often say they put such an emphasis on physical appearance for men, men consistently ranked physical appearance at the bottom of these traits.

How do we interpret these stats? Well, one way is that this is aspirational: that we say what we think is important. I might say that I rank confidence as the most important trait in a woman, but when I’m walking down the street, it’s not a woman’s confidence that will turn my head.

But the other way to take this is that maybe we are mis-interpreting what others find attractive about us. That you think stretch marks or saggy skin or curly hair all are signs that you aren’t attractive, and you reject how people see you. You deny your kindness and intelligence and sense of humour as being those things that make you truly beautiful.

Yes, the physical aspects of a person will attract someone’s attention, but if that person proves to be nasty, bitter and disrespectful, that initial opinion will sour. It is that what is beyond skin deep that leaves the deepest impression.

If you are married or with a long term partner, there’s a good chance that the things that they liked about you when you first met (eyes, butt, hair), are no longer going to be at the top of their favourite things about you. Yes, good looks can lead to some good short term encounters, and I bet if you asked them if they still loved your eyes/butt/hair, they’d say yes, but it is these other traits—confidence, kindness, humour—that sustain a relationship. And it’s those traits that make you truly beautiful.

I celebrate all of the things that make women special and beautiful—both the external and the internal, the physical and the spiritual. Not just today, but everyday.