I am no man

I am no man.

If you were to ask me who my celebrity crush was, I would say, with no hesitation, Eowyn.

You know, shieldmaiden and niece of Theoden from The Lord of the Rings, played by one of my other celebrity crushes, Miranda Otto (and not (just) because she played Eowyn; no, I was mad for Otto well before her turn as Eowyn, as I had seen a number of her movies on Bravo, specifically the Nostradamus Kid.)

And, while I was a fan of Miranda Otto before she was Eowyn, I was a fan of Eowyn long, long before the movies. Indeed, I have been entranced by her since I was a teen, reading, then re-reading, then re-re-reading The Lord of the Rings over and over, back to back.

There’s this enduring idea that the Lord of the Rings is mostly free of women because Tolkien didn’t like women. I think the opposite is true; in Tolkien’s world, women are powerhouses, and he didn’t have many women in the books because they would have singlehandedly rendered about 3/4 of it useless.

Elsewhere in Tolkien’s Legendarium, we have women like Luthien (an elf, who falls in love for a mortal man and abandon’s her immortality to be with him. When her father gives him an impossible quest to steal a gem of great value from Morgoth’s crown (Morgoth was Sauron’s master, an even bigger, badder Dark Lord than the one we know), she defies her father, escapes the tower she’s locked in and goes to be by his side, singing a song that puts the Dark Lord to sleep so her boy Beren can grab the Silmaril and they can be wed. When Beren dies too soon, she dies in her grief, then goes to Elf heaven where she sings them both back to life so they get their happily ever after.) or Melian, who is basically a divine being who falls in love for an Elf Lord, who then sets up a barrier so his kingdom can’t be invaded for hundreds of years.

The Lord of the Rings is mostly women free because women would have got shizzle done, and instead of having one of the most enduring series of books—six books, in three volumes—we would maybe have had a short story.

Yes, there are few women in the Lord of the Rings. Few, but not none. Eowyn being the most notable exception.

And what does she do with her time? She kills the head of the bad guys, and in one of the best reactions to Shakespeare ever.

Y’see, Tolkien had read the Scottish play when he was younger. You know, the play that must not be named.

Anyway. In Mac…that play, one of the three witches tells M…the main character to “be bloody, bold, and resolute. Laugh to scorn the power of man, for none of woman born shall harm Macbeth.” (I was quoting the play when I said his name, so it’s okay.)

A young Tolkien was enchanted by this idea, but when he discovered that Macduff was “from his mother's womb untimely ripped,” by means of a C-section, young Tolkien was greatly disappointed.

(He was even more annoyed that, when Birnham wood came to Dunsinane, it was just a bunch of dudes carrying branches; so when, in The Lord of the Rings, his Fanghorn marches on Orthanc, the trees really bring it.)

Anyway. His reply to Macbeth? Was to have a MFing woman (the aforemention Eowyn) be the one to MFing cut the MFing Witch King of Angmar’s MFing head off.

Because she’s a badass MFer. She singlehandedly (well, with the help of Merry; the hobbits have to play some role in the story) slays the witch king and brings an end to Sauron’s siege. The men tried to leave her at home, but Tolkien knew that he had to have her there, or else the battle would have been lost.

I am (if you haven’t noticed) a teensy weensy bit of a geek, and at the core of that geekhood is The Lord of the Rings. I try and read (or listen) to the story at least once a year, typically around Christmas. I just finished going through the book two days ago, crying like a baby at the last chapter.

All this is to say that if Miranda Otto is out there and listening, and wants to do a Eowyn-inspired boudoir shoot in the wilds of Northern BC, I am here and waiting.

More than that, if any of you out there wants to do a Eowyn inspired shoot, let me know.

Or maybe your more of a Hermione fan, or Feyre (from that a blank of blank and blank series), or Leia from Star Wars or Uhura or Janeway or Ripley or any of your other favourite female characters, Or maybe you want to Crossplay a sexy Darth Vadah. I am here for you.

This is Beyond Boudoir, after all,` who said that we have to follow any template?

This is all to say that in my next newsletter, I may or may not be giving away the chance to do a cosplay-inspired boudoir shoot for free. If you are interested in doing such a shoot, might I recommend signing up for my highly random newsletter? There are a few conditions, the biggest of which is you need to be willing to let me share the images.