Listen to the sound of my voice…

When you speak, you hear yourself in a totally different way than the rest of the world hears you.

The rest of the world? They hear the sound waves produced by your voice, moving through the air, which hits their eardrums, which in turn vibrate, allowing them to interpret the sounds that you are making.

But when you hear yourself talk? There’s something else afoot.

You see, you not only hear your voice as the product of air waves, but you also hear the sounds resonate through your bones.

This creates for you a sense of how you sound that is different than how anyone else percieves you when you talk.

Now, take and record your voice, then play it back.

No matter how good the sound system you’re using, the way you hear the sound of your voice is going to be different, because the way you hear it? Is different.

And what do 99 percent of the population say when they hear their voice played back?

“Oh, I hate the sound of my voice.”

But here’s the thing. That’s an emotional response to something that is different than expected. Our voice? Hasn’t actually changed. Only our perception of it has. And maybe that makes us uncomfortable. That’s okay. When our comfort is challenged in little ways like this, it is a good thing. It challenges our preconceptions and forces us to adapt to the world.

We are also conditioned to see ourselves from one or two angles. From looking head on into the mirror, or from taking a selfie from top-down. Typically, we also see ourself in reverse. We see ourselves exactly the opposite as the rest of the world sees us.

This means that sometimes, when we see ourselves from another angle, when we see ourselves flipped, it can be challenging. When we see ourselves the way others see us, it can cause us distress. Not because they don’t see us in love and kindness and with all the best wishes, just because it’s … different. It’s backwards. Or it’s an image that captures us from a different angle than we’re used to. And instead of identifying that you feel uncomfortable and try and do the work to understand why, you say “I hate my body.”

We need to get past that emotional response and start to process why we feel this way. Is it because we don’t live up to some societal ideal of who we should be? Is it because we look at our sisters/friends/a famous people and compare ourselves to them?

Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes, there are good reasons. Sometimes our bodies remind us of the abuse we' have suffered. Sometimes there are pains so deep that it is nearly impossible to comprehend. And if that’s the case, there are people out there who can help.

But being uncomfortable? Isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It means you’re out of your comfort zone. You’re expanding your view of who you are, your youview, if you like.

However, if we take that discomfort and translate it as “I hate how I look in photographs,” we aren’t growing. Because how you look in a photo? Is how you look in a photo, and it’s not something you have control over. How you react to how you look in a photo? That is something you have control over

One of my favourite models just posted on Instagram for the first time in over half a year. She started a new medication that caused her to gain 20 lbs in a month, and she talked how that made her incredibly ashamed of who she’s become.

Fortunately, she’s working through that, and is realizing that her value is not tied to how she looks. “Nobody should be ashamed of their body,” she posted.

At the start of this year, I talked about Mirror Exposure Therapy. That’s where you look at yourself (naked) in the mirror, and work through these issues by coming up with nice things to say about your body. Maybe you can only start with “you got me through another year.” But, as time goes on, hopefully you can start considering yourself with more affection. Start looking at your belly not as the enemy, but as a part of you, and worthy of affection. One of your breasts is smaller than the other? You’re just like 90 percent of the population.

Start looking at the whole of you as…you. That’s not a good thing, or a bad thing. It’s a you thing. And, if we can start to shed preconceptions, if we can start to shed societal norms of what is and isn’t considered beautiful, if we can start to see ourselves not through hate-coloured glasses, then we can maybe start to see how exceptional we really are, because there is only one you, there has only ever been one you, and there will never be another you (unless cloning technology makes some really impressive leaps in the next few decades…).

Celebrate your uniqueness. Embrace your you-ness. And be willing to step outside your comfort zone.