I listen to music that could charitably be called obscure. From ancient church music to symphonic metal, I like what I like and, more to the point, don’t like what I don’t like.

Photography, like music, or food, is a subjective experience. Some people love cilantro. Others can’t stand pineapple on their pizza. This doesn’t mean that Hawaiian pizza is wrong, or that we can’t be friends if you eat soaplantro. Taste is subjective in art as in food.

In the same way, one person will look at the images I take and think they are challenging and meaningful and strive to capture the inner life of the subject; others might find them trite and boring. Or maybe just too bright and colourful. (Boudoir is supposed to be all shadows and mystery, right? Well, no. This is why I call this Beyond Boudoir. I can be all dark and shadowy, but I can be bright and colourful, too.)

Sometimes there’s a mismatch in personality, in objectives or in expectations. Some women don’t feel comfortable with a male boudoir photographer. So this post is to help you decide before you even contact me if I am the right photographer for you.

If you are looking for something “exactly like photographer X”, then I am not the photographer for you. I have been doing this for 20+ years, and am proud of the photographer I have become. Of course, I’m not precious about my ideas, and I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to work with you to create an image that you’re happy with. Indeed, that’s part of why I do what I do the way I do it: I want to create something that you absolutely love and are happy with. That captures your essence. If you like a certain pose, or concept, or location that you saw in another shot, by all means, run it past me. I love taking inspiration and ideas from other sources. But there is a great difference between inspiration and imitation, between collaboration and copying and if you want to recreate an image exactly like this other photographer would shoot? You should shoot with that other photographer.

If you want to a shoot that glorifies violence, smoking, gore or denigrates women, I am not the photographer for you. I do what I do because I want to capture that which is beautiful and fun and sexy and powerful about you. I don’t feel comfortable with images that show women having been abused, being put down, being humiliated. Again, I want to capture strength and power and beauty. This doesn’t mean that if you like shibari, I won’t shoot that, just that there is a difference between being tied up because it is something you love, and being tied up as a form of abuse.

If you don’t like to laugh, I am not the photographer for you. I’ve had people ask if I have ever considered taping a photo session and selling it as a comedy routine. I want this to be a great experience, and one of the most simple, edifying things we can do is laugh. Not only does it help you relax, it actually enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. It can decrease your heart rate and blood pressure, stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation. The neuropeptides released can help keep you healthy, ease pains and improve your outlook on life. There is nothing sexier than a smile, unless it’s a laugh.

If you want your images to be photoshopped to perfection, I am not the photographer for you. While I want to present you in the best light possible, I do not like to use photoshop to manipulate images. While there are exceptions, I try and keep a light touch when it comes to image retouching. I try and limit what I do to colour correction, skin softening and blemish removal.

If you want a conventional boudoir shoot, I am not the photographer for you. I want to draw out your personality, character, emotion. If you just want that picture of you laying on the bed with your legs against the wall like in every. single. boudoir shoot. ever … well, that’s not really my jam. This doesn’t mean that picture won’t ever show up, but if I do it, I want to try and find some new take on the theme. Find a way to give it a twist. Back to our food metaphor; if all you want is vanilla, then I’m not the photographer for you.

If you’re not ready for some amazing photos of you, I’m not the photographer for you. This is not to say that this might not be outside your comfort zone. For most people, it is. But there’s a difference between pushing yourself to reach a goal that you can get to if you stretch, and doing something that will break you. Doing something because you think it is what needs to be done. Because others are pressuring you. Yes, I want to celebrate your strength and beauty, but the fact is, some people just aren’t in that place yet. Or they don’t value photography. That’s okay. Again, everybody is different. But if you decide to do a shoot and you’re 100 percent not ready, photos are an expense rather than an investment. I want this to be an experience and an investment.