I can still see Christmas in the rear-view, and Valentine’s Day is fast approaching.

Which means its time to start thinking about Valentine’s Day Boudoir.

And I know, the cliche is “Ima going to do a shoot as a present for my man,” but that’s not the only reason to do it.

For one, you might not be shooting for a man at all. Might be a woman. Might be non-binary. It’s okay. We don’t judge here. Heck, you might be a man thinking about getting some sexy images done for your favourite person. Jump on in, as they say. The water’s fine. (Actually, right now the water is covered by about a foot of ice; it’s a metaphor. Role with it.)

Or you might be a couple or thruple, and you might think that it would be fun to do a shoot together. And you’d be right. Rather than show your love by doing a boudoir shoot for someone, do a boudoir shoot with someone.

But even if you don’t have a significant other(s) to shoot for or with, it’s okay.

Last year, I auctioned off a Couple’s Boudoir session with Big Country Radio. A few weeks later, the person who won the auction sent me a note saying that she was no longer part of a couple. Could she do a boudoir shoot by herself?

Absolutely, says I.

Because practicing self-love is a thing, too. It’s okay to pay the big bucks to do things just for yourself, too. Go on a solo adventure to Bali. Take a spa day. Take pictures of yourself now so that you can look back on yourself later and think “damn, I was pretty hot, wasn’t I?”

CS Lewis tells us that there are four types of love, and, while not all of them are best commemorated with a boudoir photo shoot (I’m not sure the kids would appreciate photos of you in your knickers as an expression of paternal love, for instance), we’re all for love around here. (And self love is not one of the loves Lewis talks about, but is perfectly valid.) Celebrating it and commemorating it.

But, you know, no pressure. There’s an anti-valentine’s backlash these days, because we’ve got so caught up in the trappings of Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day has become, like so many holidays, a retail bonanza: buy buy buy, rather than about the celebration of true connection.

And if you’re not in a relationship, or have suffered a breakup or loss of a loved one, or are in a toxic relationship? Valentine’s can be a time of loneliness, depression or even of exclusion.

There is sometimes an expectation that we must show love in grand gestures—flowers, chocolates, expensive dinners, or elaborate gifts (cough boudoir shoot, cough). This can be stressful, especially if you're not the romantic type or you're struggling with finances. The pressure to do something "big" can make people feel inadequate if they can’t live up to societal standards.

And yes, I want people to do boudoir shoots, because I believe that they have the power to change your self-image. I am not naive enough to believe that everyone will be changed by the experience, so I will never pressure anyone to do a shoot. If it is something you’re interested in (and I would hope you are, as you are reading this right now), I’d love to have that conversation with you. Let’s come up with the dream shoot for you. Let’s talk about shooting on a Caribbean Beach, or on a lake so remote the only way in is by float plane. Or even just at home, in your space, in a comfortable, casual way that captures the essence of who you are.

And if you’re not feeling the love, not even from yourself, I would encourage you to find ways to find love. Not necessarily Eros (which is one of those loves that Lewis talks about), but maybe find ways to love yourself. I recently posted about learning to love looking at yourself as a first step towards body acceptance. Personally, I’m working on trying to speak words of affirmation, of learning to interrupt the negative self talk.

And if you are in a toxic, or worse, abusive relationship, it’s okay to step away. To step out. To seek help. It’s hard; I can’t possibly imagine how hard it is, but there are people out there who want to help.

Because you? You deserve to be loved. Radically, unconditionally and without judgement from the tips of your toes to the top of your head.