…you.

I mean, he might say a Nintendo Switch or Gods of War: Ragnarok, or a new pair of Limited Edition Air Force 1 Sneakers from Nike or a fancy new sled. He might even mean it. But what he really wants is you.

He wants your time, your attention, your love and your body. He wants you to be happy. More than that, he longs for your pleasure, and when you get turned on? That really turns him on.

But despite what it might feel like sometimes, it’s not just about sex. He want to feel respected. He wants to feel like he’s doing a good job in whatever he’s doing, especially if he’s doing it for you. He wants acknowledgement and praise. Not flattery, it’s just that he experiences love differently than women.

He wants to be touched, not (just) in that way; he wants you to play with his back as he plays Ragnarok. He wants to be affirmed and acknowledged and yes, praised.

And, oh, he wants for your happiness, for your pleasure. He’ll do a dozen little things behind the scenes to make your life easier, things that he’s sorta hoping you don’t notice, and sorta hoping you do. He wants to know that you’re watching him like he watches you. He wants to make your life better.

He wants to have fun with you. Again, that’s not just a metaphor. When you laugh, especially with him, or at one of his jokes, it is an affirmation. He wants you to enjoy your time with him.

You know how he’s always asking what you want to do? Where you want to go for dinner? It’s not that he’s indecisive, it’s just that he wants you to be happy. He wants to give you control over the choice not because he is incapable of making a decision, but he believes you know best what you want, and he wants you to enjoy yourself tonight.

He wants to help you. That’s why he always tries to solve your problems when all you’re looking for is someone to talk your issues through with. He’s not trying to dictate your life, he’s trying to help. Yes, he has a hero complex. It’s the nature of the beast. He wants to be your knight in shining armour. He wants to make your life better, easier, more interesting, more enjoyable.

And he wants to look at you. He longs for your joy, for your happiness, for your pleasure. He doesn’t (again, just) want to see you naked. (All. The. Time.) He wants to see you comfortable. Relaxed. Men are visually stimulated. He really enjoys watching you play Dance Dance Revolution in your underwear. Even if he’s not up there dancing with you, believe me, he’s enjoying the experience. He wants to see you having fun, he wants to see your eyes close in bliss as he massages your feet. And yes, he really wants to see you naked, despite, or maybe even because of those things that you don’t like about yourself. The things that aren’t perfect. That make you you.

This is where I am supposed to pitch my services as a boudoir photographer, and if you want to shoot with me, to create an album for him, or want to give him the experience of a spicy couple’s shoot, I’m not going to stop you. But I want you to understand. He wants you and he wants good things for you.

The thing is, it’s hard for him to explain this to you. It sounds so…cheesy. The sex thing? Is a shorthand. It is an easy way to prove that he is doing something right. That he’s able to make you happy, at least for a little while. That he might have got it right, at least in this one small way. And it’s easy, when he screws up, for him to withdraw, for him to act like he doesn’t want these things. But he does. It’s just hard from him to say it. To show it.

So, this Christmas, maybe the greatest gift you can give is your time. Is your understanding. Is your love. Is, well, is you.

(And yeah, okay, a leather bound album full of sexy pictures of yourself? A boudoir video? That’s pretty hot, too. Contact me for more information.)

You might like reading: The Gift of You, Stuff, The experience of giving the experience, The Gift of You, or Perspective, Part I

If you have any thoughts on this, feel free to comment below, or send me an email.